dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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