i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
