Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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