Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
false alarm. still invincible.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
