listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
