ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
