Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
