I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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