What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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