I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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