Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
