Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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