Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
