ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
