just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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