Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize