Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
