The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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