I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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