the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
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