What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
