I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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