why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
