I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
