honey bunches of taint.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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