I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
