FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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