All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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