he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
