apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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