Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
