So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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