i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
