I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
