i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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