There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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