so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
