Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
