My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
