you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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