Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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