He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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