i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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