her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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