I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
