sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
