Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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