Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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