does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
