I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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