and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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