I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
