There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
