Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
