I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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