Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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