So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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