I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You pole danced in your parka.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
