this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
