I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
