Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
