I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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