Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
