I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
