the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
