The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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