We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
