Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
