i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
