i just wanna soil my oats bro
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
