You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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