they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
