so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize