How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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