i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
sarcasm needs its own font
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know her cup size but not her name....
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
