This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
