Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
