I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
