well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
