i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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