i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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