Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
