well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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