Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
