If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
