Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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