That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
