I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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