even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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