How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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