My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
