Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
