I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
