She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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