so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
