how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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