I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
bring money and cleavage
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize