It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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