Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize