So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
