You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
