i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
