having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
