gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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