I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
