Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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