I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
