How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
