whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
