How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
